So today, as many others before me have done, I went to planned parent hood. For an IUD. It's one of those T shaped birth control methods that prevent pregnancy. Though, I didn't get it for that. No, I am not worried about getting pregnant. I'm just one of those people who DON'T think an period is beautiful and I prefer not to deal with one at all.
I've been on the pill for almost a year. Once I got adjusted to it it became the best thing I could have ever done for myself. But every once in a while I would forget a pill. Nothing terrible happened because of it but I just didn't want to forget anymore.
But MOST importantly of all, like SO many women have done before me, we have done it because of the current administration. While standing at the reception desk I was told that many women have and continue to get these done because soon they might not be able too.
While in there, it all starts the same as a pap. I introduce my vagina to a complete stranger (whom I know has gotten to know a great many) and we dive right in...literally. She is funny and sweet but I think she was being like that because she knew what was coming and I haven't a clue. There are 4 or 5 stages to this shit.
Stage 1. They need to iodine you. Yep and it feels just like it smells. Hard to explain but your vagina is pretty confused about right now.
Stage 2. The spreader insertion. Not a big deal. No different than a pap. We are doing good. Vagina isn't freaking out.
Stage 3. We are now stretching the cervix a little (understatement) further than a regular pap smear. I was told 7.5 centimeters. Vagina isn't happy. I'm taking deep breaths. I can handle this...
Stage 4. They insert a little straw up there to guide the IUD. Small story, my cervix is teeny. Tiny little thing. Totally fine with that except for this moment. Doctor is having a hard time with this that she needs to call in another doctor for help. Several tries and I am burning up, on fire, sweating through my clothes and breathing way too much. I feel like I'm going to pass out. Way too much oxygen in my blood.
Stage 5. She finally gets the straw up in there and now we are ready for insertion. I thought that she was done by how shitty I felt. Nope. At this point I've already told myself several times that this was a shitty idea. In the IUD goes and I lost it. It hurts so bad, I couldn't stop saying shit and fuck. I didn't care.
It took me a while to be able to get myself dressed again. They gave me advil, juice boxes and a heating thingy. Everyone there was nice and supportive. I felt dizzy and nauseous the rest of the day.
I immediately call my mom to let her know and how sorry I was of how shitty childbirth must have been for her. She's a very small woman that gave birth to 2 enormous children naturally.
I am NOT HAVING CHILDREN. Fuck that shit. I am never doing this again. Long live the pill.
